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Many of us have this idea that we need a movie-worthy meet-cute when finding a soulmate. But closing yourself off to any meeting that isn’t locking eyes across a crowded bar or running into a long-forgotten high school sweetheart from back home (Hallmark Channel style) limits your chances. Despite what Hollywood has us believe, we can meet worthwhile people anywhere. You could meet your ideal partner during a meeting, at a book club, in an elevator, while out walking your dog, or yes, on a dating app. The more options you keep open, the higher your chances of meeting people that you’ll enjoy being around. Instead of waiting for a “meet-cute,” try to remain open to any possibility that feels right for you.
In reality, just being nice to a girl you like doesn’t convert her into your girlfriend magically. Don’t nurse fantasies of dating a girl while sticking around her and doing nice things hoping to get noticed. The best route to take – coupled with being nice to her – is to ask her out on a proper date. Let her know how you feel about her. This will let her know that you’re not just around her for casual friendship. If you don’t do this, there’s a high probability you’ll end up in the friendzone. Dating apps are convenient because they remove all the anxiety it takes to work up to a woman, build friendship, and ask her out on a date. But that convenience can quickly become addicting. And this isn’t a good thing for several reasons.
Most guys believe they have to be tough all the time. Men are taught very early on to not show too much emotion. And for this reason, most men learn to not show any form of vulnerability around women. But the truth is that vulnerability can make a woman feel more connected to you. Think about it. Showing a woman that you can be vulnerable around her tells her that she’s special to you. It means you trust her, and she can trust you to be transparent with her anytime. For instance, some men will still like to show dominance even when they are at fault. But a man who willingly opens up and simply admits his wrongs, though is vulnerable at that moment, will only melt his woman’s heart with his honesty and emotional maturity.
Ask for Clarification: If your date makes a comment that you don’t understand, smile, and politely ask them for an explanation. Sometimes I use humor to do this, “Educate me, can you explain, I really don’t understand?” That gives your date a chance to elaborate on the subject while you get the chance to better understand their values, perspectives on life, interest and a whole realm of other important factors while getting to know someone out in the dating wilderness.
FYI: Being alone is a good thing. A single relationship status or even just time spent on our own allows us to turn inward, explore our truest desires, and get to know ourselves better. When we know ourselves and what we want, our dating lives become more fulfilling, successful, and fun. Any amount of time alone can be invested to understand what we want out of a partner, but more importantly, it can make us feel so whole we don’t need a partner. Let me go on a quick tangent about a few outdated dating rules that we really should ditch, like, yesterday. To start, my least favorites of all dating rules are “Don’t kiss on the first date” and the “Three-date rule.” Let’s just throw out any rules that imply that what you want to do with your body and when you want to do it are not up to you. Make your own rules based on comfortability and what you’re feeling.
Since it can be very challenging to examine yourself in this way, I highly recommend working with a dating coach. An unbiased third party can not only help you to identify what your current baggage is and why you’re still struggling with it, but also offer clear-cut advice on what you need to do to move past it. When new clients come to me unsure of why they keep accidentally sabotaging their own dating chances, I can often tell right away what baggage is getting in their way. Once you’re ready to really take a good look at your destructive beliefs and thought patterns, you can start replacing those with healthier and positive alternatives that will make you a more attractive, emotionally strong, and desirable partner.
For example, let’s say you’re looking for someone who’s solid and dependable. Or maybe you want to meet someone who’s patient and calm when things don’t go as planned. Can you say the same about yourself? Sometimes, we are attracted to people to fill our “voids” so to speak — to provide all the things we lack. It’s natural to have some opposing strengths from your partner, but the point is that you should always be working on owning all the qualities that you seek. That way, you aren’t ever fully dependent on someone else to meet your needs, and you can make sure you’re always pulling your own weight in a give-and-take relationship.
Finding the right person with whom you can share your life has never been an easy process. While connecting to individuals has become a bit more convenient thanks to online dating platforms and social media, dating is still a fairly complex process. One common myth is that there is a perfect person out there for everyone and that finding the person will lead to a fairytale ending of living happily ever after. In contrast, relationships require work and compromise from both partners and ultimately, the most important thing one can do when dating is to be authentic and open to the possibility of building a meaningful connection with someone who shares the same values and interests.
Don’t…get too attached too quickly. It’s healthy to keep your options open at the early stages of dating. Commitment should come after you’ve seen real potential in the person you’re dating and after an honest conversation about where you both want things to go. Do…give yourself a break from dating when it’s needed. It’s very important to have a balance in all areas of your life. If work or personal circumstances demand it, taking a break from ‘putting yourself out there’ may well be the best thing you can do. Stretching yourself thinly doesn’t do any favours to you or any of your dates.